After a week of experiencing an extreme case of nerves and
agonizing cuts, my son made his high school’s sophomore basketball team last
November. It was a great accomplishment. However, we have quickly learned that
being on the team has its share of disappointments as well. My son is incredibly nice and very obedient.
And those traits don’t mix well with high school hoops. My son believes that
everyone should play by the rules. I agree with him. Unfortunately, holding
jerseys, standing on another player’s foot, staring down a player you have
knocked to the ground, throwing elbows, pushing and shoving when the official
isn’t looking, and taking any advantage over another player seems to be necessary
to secure a win. And the objective isn’t just to win but to demoralize your
opponent in the process.
I love the game of basketball, and I love to watch my son
play, but I realize that in order for him to play at this level, he might have
to change who he is, and I don’t think that is who I want him to be. His coach
says that he needs to toughen up. He is probably right. Staring down a player
he has knocked down is not in my son’s nature. He would prefer offering a hand
to help him up. The concept of holding another player’s jersey when it is
against the rules goes against my son’s moral compass. If cheating is part of
the game, I am not so sure I want my son to be comfortable with that aspect.
Yes, there are a lot of good men who understand it is part of the game to play
a certain way on the court and then choose complete integrity in all other
aspects of their life. For some – like Tiger Woods – the line becomes blurred
and cheating – as long as you don’t get caught – becomes acceptable no matter
the venue.
And then there is all the swearing and yelling from his
coaches and mentors. I think that I might have yelled at my son possibly twice
in his lifetime. And I have never uttered a swear word at him. I am not a
saint. My children have heard me yell. However, this fine young man simply
chooses to do the right things – no yelling is ever required. It breaks my
heart to see his dejected face after his coach has publicly humiliated him.
In my experience with him, a simple pointing out of his mistake is really the
only correction my son needs to do things differently in the future, but I think
his coaches must assume the yelling will add to his toughening process. They
are probably right. I just worry that this type of development will change the
kind, sweet, honest, and compassionate son whom I absolutely adore. And then
again, he may not change and our basketball journey may simply come to a quick
end. And quite frankly, if I have to lose his goodness to toughen him up, I
will gladly cheer for him at a swim meet instead.
In a world filled with self-absorbed, take advantage any way
you can, tough and hardened men, a kind, honest, thoughtful, and compassionate young
man is indeed a rarity. It seems rather odd – and incredibly foolish – that we
would want to change him to be like everyone else simply to be successful at a possibly
inconsequential and frivolous game. It would make more sense to change the way
sports are played instead. But I think I would definitely be called a “girl” or
probably worse for expressing that particular sentiment.
