On day number nine, I am tired of hearing myself whine. Nine days of the cleanse, nine pounds weight loss, and at least nine times per minute I think about food. On the same week that I lost nine pounds, amazingly both twins gained nine pounds on The Biggest Loser. I sometimes wonder if any of these people actually watch the shows that they would like to be on as a contestant.
I would suggest these nine tips for reality show contestants:
1. Learn to drive a stick shift before competing on The Amazing Race. And knowing how to row a boat just might be helpful.
2. If you go on Survivor, it might be a good idea to wear glasses and know how to start a fire with them. And then practice, practice, practice.
3. Before applying to be the next American Idol ask someone other than your mother if you can really sing. And don’t brag about your voice until the judges give you props.
4. Realize that Jillian will get in your face and yell at you until you cry. Cry early and share quickly as to why you emotionally eat, and then she just might move on to fix someone else.
5. Don’t be surprised when you don’t get much sleep or food on Survivor, but you get plenty wet.
6. Afraid of water, take swimming lessons. Afraid of heights, go bungee jumping. Afraid of bugs, learn to eat them.
7. When you have been sitting on the sofa most of your life, exercise just might be a little painful at first.
8. Don’t be shocked when someone lies to you, yields you, or votes you out.
9. Just suck it up and realize you will miss your family!